List of The Colbert Report episodes (2011)

This list of episodes of The Colbert Report is a list of all episodes of The Colbert Report, a Comedy Central show hosted by Stephen Colbert, during the year 2011. Each episode is executive produced by Colbert and Jon Stewart, and co-executive produced by Meredith Bennett, Richard Dahm, and Tom Purcell. Colbert plays the role of a populist blowhard journalist character, similar to his character from when he was on The Daily Show. In The Colbert Report, the former correspondent becomes the host of his own parody of media pundit programs, such as The O'Reilly Factor and Hannity.

There are a number of noteworthy recurring elements in most episodes of The Colbert Report. Among them, the most common is "The Wørd", a segment based on a word (real or constructed by the Colbert writing staff) or phrase which serves as a theme for a monologue. Many episodes begin with Colbert providing a joke-based summary of the topics covered within the episode prior to the opening titles; this summary ends with an introductory phrase which gives an example of the Colbert character's twisted logic or values. Finally, each episode contains at least one in-studio guest interview, though sometimes more. In the case of musicians, the final segment is given over to a musical performance by said guest.

Contents

Episodes of 2011

January

# First aired "The Wørd" Studio guest Introductory phrase Prod#
814 January 3 N/A Ed Rendell "This year I will not break my New Year's Resolution. G'OH! My resolution was to break my New Year's Resolution!" 7001
Stephen believes he lives in a nation of wusses due to a postponed football game, and explores the Spiderman musical.
815 January 4 N/A Ron Paul, David Leonhardt, Geoffrey Canada "Greece is building a borderwall. Man, those Mexicans are persistent!" 7002
Stephen has a message for America's new Indian overlords in light of Obama's endorsement of the U.N. declaration on the rights of indigenous peoples. He also addresses the value of gold.
816 January 5 N/A Atul Gawande "John Boehner is the new Speaker of the House. Either that or the mahogany podium has learned to talk." 7003
NewSouth Books needs to do more with its censorship of Huckleberry Finn, and Stephen talks about Reince Priebus.
817 January 6 N/A Neil deGrasse Tyson, Ronald A. DePinho N/A 7004
Gullible bowel syndrome is treated by a placebo, scientists can cure mouse infertility, and a wild lynx increases the walking speeds of elderly patients.

Notable moment - Stephen tries to tape his face and cannot properly handle the tape.

Quotes

  • "I just wanna give a big shout-out to one of our sponsors: Arby's. If I was about to be killed, I would eat it. After I'm dead, I'd like to be sliced paper-thin and served with horsey sauce!"
  • "Finally a cure for mouse infertility! The species is saved!"
  • "Oh wow, it has a creamy center. So, Hostess makes our DNA."
818 January 10 N/A Fen Montaigne "The south has been crippled by a winter storm - or as they call it, the weather of northern aggression." 7005
Mike Fitzpatrick and Pete Sessions miss their swearing into office, but swear in through television, and a difference-maker is interviewed regarding aliens coming to Earth.

"Lad Liberty" appears in introduction sequence.
819 January 11 N/A Dan Auerbach, Patrick Carney, Ezra Koenig, Chris Hughes "Myspace slashes its staff in half. Wow! They fired both people?" 7006
Colbert picks his winners for the 2011 Grammy Awards and Chris Hughes talks about his life since the Obama campaign.

Ezra Koenig of Vampire Weekend and the Black Keys make a special appearance in the first segment and compete for Colbert's Grammy vote by listing commercials their songs appear in.
820 January 12 Life, Liberty
and the Pursuit
of Angriness		 Bernard-Henri Lévy N/A 7007
50 cent makes $8 million on Twitter while Bernard-Henri Levy discusses public intellectualism. Stephen indicates that he believes Americans think of public intellectualizing in the same way as public urination. First usage of "The Wørd" in 2011.
821 January 13 N/A Kevin Spacey N/A 7008
In his segment "Thought For Food", a red alert is brought to surface regarding the shrinking of 7/11's "Super Big Gulp". Meanwhile, a Doritos ad angers Catholics, Pepsi has made fruit drinkable, and Obama moves Colbert by "doing a great job" speaking at a memorial in Tucson. Actor Kevin Spacey talks about Jack Abramoff, whom Stephen considers a patriot.
822 January 17 Run for Your Life Wade Hampton, Sherry Turkle "Starbucks introduced the new 31 ounce 'trenta', which I believe is Italian for 'kidney failure'." 7009
Sears offers 50% off mattresses for Martin Luther King Day, and Kmart offers free shipping. Gun control is explored, and Sherry Turkle talks about how technology is alienating.
823 January 18 Disintegration Cornel West "Dick Cheney may need a new heart. I say we waterboard the Wizard of Oz." 7010
824 January 19 N/A Ron Reagan, Jr. "Joe Lieberman announced he won't run for reelection. In a related story, Steven Seagal removed himself from Oscar contention." 7011
825 January 20 N/A Christine Todd Whitman, Chris Matthews N/A 7012
826 January 24 Coverage of Denial Charlie Rose "A court has ruled that Rahm Emanuel is not legally allowed to run for mayor of Chicago. Which, in Chicago, I believe means he won." 7013
827 January 25 N/A Amy Chua "The state of our union is strong, though I think it may be juicing." 7014
828 January 26 N/A Michael Waldman, Christine Yvette Lewis N/A 7015
829 January 27 N/A Daryl Bem, Brian Greene "New York is set to break the record of its snowiest month. Also, its yellow-snowiest month." 7016
830 January 31 N/A Samer Shehata, Paul Offit "The Malawi government is making farting illegal. But I say, he who suppressed it, expressed it." 7017
Kim Jong-un's furry hat, Egyptian protests, wildlife taser, anti-vaccine movement

February

# First aired "The Wørd" Studio guest Introductory phrase Prod#
831 February 1 N/A Leslie Dach, Michael Lewis N/A 7018
Egyptian protests, the gut brain, Wyngz, Michelle Obama's veggiehad, The Big Short
832 February 2 N/A Sean Kelly "For the first time ever, there won't be any cheerleaders at the Super Bowl. What will we watch between concussions?" 7019
Bing copying Google, Hosni Mubarak supporters punching Anderson Cooper, Christiane Aman-Purr, Henry Cavill as Superman, Big Flats beer, All Things Shining.
833 February 3 N/A Jane McGonigal "I just hit 2 million followers on Twitter, which I believe means Ashton Kutcher has to give me Demi Moore for one night." 7020
Crisis in Egypt, Bill O'Reilly wonders about the tides, $200 outdoor Super Bowl tickets, Black History Month, Ohio governor John Kasich's all-white cabinet, playing games is productive.
834 February 14 N/A LCD Soundsystem "Arcade Fire won the Grammy for best album yet I set an arcade on fire and all I get is five years for arson." 7021
835 February 15 N/A Christiane Amanpour, David Albright "Watson the Computer is on Jeopardy this week. Meanwhile, my Speak & Spell keeps beating me at Wheel of Fortune." 7022
836 February 16 N/A Eric Foner "The Census says Chicago has shrunk by 200,000 people and yet the voter rolls have grown by a million." 7023
837 February 17 N/A Jeffrey Leonard N/A 7024
838 February 21 N/A Eugene Jarecki N/A 7025
839 February 22 N/A Randi Weingarten, Jon Erpenbach, Bing West "I'm a man of very few words. This..." 7026
840 February 23 N/A Stephanie Coontz "There's a Mad Man cookbook. I can't wait to taste chicken a la cigarette." 7027
841 February 24 N/A Glenn Greenwald, Mike Huckabee N/A 7028
842 February 28 N/A Michael Scheuer "The King's Speech: Best Picture? They didn't even cure him - at the end, he still had that debilitating English accent." 7029

March

# First aired "The Wørd" Studio guest Introductory phrase Prod#
843 March 1 No Country for Old Men Evan Osnos 7030
844 March 2 Economic Boom Harry Connick Jr. "Federal authorities declare the Eastern Cougar extinct. Have they checked the appletini night at Hotel Gansevoort?" 7031
845 March 3 N/A Mark W. Moffett N/A 7032
Features an eleven-minute segment promoting Jimmy Fallon's new ice cream flavor. Guest appearances during the segment include Fallon, Jon Stewart, Ben Cohen, & Jerry Greenfield.
846 March 7 N/A Joshua Foer "Airlines are considering charging for reclining seats. Also, your scrotum now counts as a carry-on bag." 7033
847 March 8 N/A Dale Bryk, Dan Sinker N/A 7034
848 March 9 N/A Anthony Weiner, David Brooks "It's time for me to tell you about the birds and the bees: pesticide works on both of them." 7035
849 March 10 N/A Reza Aslan "Rio's Carnivale festival has ended and Rio's 'go to the doctor to see what I just contracted' festival has just begun." 7036
850 March 21 N/A Simon de Pury, Steve Martin "Barry Bonds' perjury trial starts today or, as Barry Bonds puts it, no it didn't." 7037
851 March 22 N/A Ayman Mohyeldin "Fidel Castro now says he resigned five years ago, but his beard is still in power." 7038
852 March 23 Over-Reactor Nathan Myhrvold N/A 7039
853 March 24 N/A Laurie Garrett, Jody Williams "Elizabeth Taylor has passed away. I guess I should return this to the jeweler." 7040
854 March 28 N/A Michael Moore "The inventor of superglue has died. I assume he finally fell off that girder." 7041
855 March 29 N/A Stephen Prothero, Dr. Anthony Fauci "The Bronx Zoo is still missing its Egyptian Cobra. Airports, be on the lookout for a very skinny man in a trenchcoat buying a one-way ticket to Cairo." 7042
856 March 30 N/A Trevor Potter, Tim Shriver N/A 7043
857 March 31 N/A Piers Gibbon "It's baseball's opening day - better luck next year, Mets." 7044

April

# First aired "The Wørd" Studio guest Introductory phrase Prod#
858 April 4 That New-Smell Smell Andrew Chaikin N/A 7045
859 April 5 N/A James Franco N/A 7046
860 April 6 N/A Hugo Vickers, Sir David Tang N/A 7047
861 April 7 N/A Hugo Vickers, Jeff Greenfield "America is producing fewer Caucasian babies. Great, I suppose China is beating us at that now too." 7048
862 April 11 N/A Adam Savage & Jamie Hyneman N/A 7049
863 April 12 N/A Rick Brookhiser, Ray Kurzweil "Iceland's penis museum got its first human specimen and its owner wants to point out it's extremely cold up there." 7050
864 April 13 Buy and Cellulite Morgan Spurlock N/A 7051
865 April 14 N/A Trevor Potter, Caroline Kennedy N/A 7052
866 April 25 N/A Ron Paul N/A 7053
867 April 26 N/A A.C. Grayling "Social Security checks are going paperless - because if there's one thing seniors are good at, it's online banking." 7054
868 April 27 N/A Ice-T "Fatah and Hamas have signed a unity pact: they've agreed to hate the Jews together." 7055
869 April 28 N/A Russ Feingold, Wade Graham "Put another shrimp on the barbie - I'm in England." 7056

May

# First aired "The Wørd" Studio guest Introductory phrase Prod#
870 May 2 N/A Richard Haass, Francis Fukuyama "Seth Meyers did a great job at the Correspondents Dinner, but I gotta say this weekend Barack Obama really killed." 7057
871 May 3 N/A Rex Ryan "Scott Pelley has been named the new CBS Evening News anchor. Personally, I don't think he has the gams for it." 7058
872 May 4 N/A Amy Farrell "The first Republican debate is tomorrow night. Good seats still available...on stage." 7059
873 May 5 N/A Bill James N/A 7060
874 May 9 Autocratic for the People Lupe Fiasco "Animal Kingdom wins the Kentucky Derby. Don't worry plants: you'll get 'em next year." 7061
875 May 10 N/A Geoffrey Rush N/A 7062
876 May 11 N/A Trevor Potter, Eric Greitens "They got Bin Laden's hand-written diary. Apparently, he thought America was totally stuck-up." 7063
877 May 12 N/A Lawrence Wright, John Bradshaw "Sarah Palin claims she knows all the lyrics to Rapper's Delight. Alaska karaoke bars, you've been warned." 7064
878 May 16 N/A Alison Klayman N/A 7065
879 May 17 Enhanced Rejustification Amy Kremer "CNN anchor Don Lemon has come out as gay...but can he find the courage to tell his family he's on CNN?" 7066
880 May 18 N/A Austan Goolsbee "Starbucks is being sued for firing a dwarf...or as Starbucks calls him, a tall." 7067
881 May 19 N/A John Lithgow, Aaron Schock, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar N/A 7068
882 May 31 N/A Trevor Potter, James B. Stewart "I just spent seven days on a boat with no showers. I'm not sure if this is a beard or barnacles." 7069

June

# First aired "The Wørd" Studio guest Introductory phrase Prod#
883 June 1 N/A Robert Kennedy Jr "I got rid of my beard and let's just say the lack of carpet matches the lack of drapes." 7070
884 June 2 N/A Salman Khan "Mitt Romney has announced that he is running for president in 2012 and, to save time, he's announced he'll be running again in 2016." 7071
885 June 6 N/A Werner Herzog N/A 7072
886 June 7 Hear No Evil Sugar Ray Leonard N/A 7073
887 June 8 N/A John Garamendi, Bre Pettis N/A 7074
888 June 9 The Business End Tom Ridge N/A 7075
889 June 13 N/A Henry Kissinger N/A 7076
890 June 14 N/A Janny Scott "Spider-Man the Musical finally reopens just in time to save New York's struggling hospitals." 7077
891 June 15 Shock the Vote Keith Olbermann "A 99-year old Oregon man just graduated from college. Ouch. Terrible time to enter the job market." 7078
892 June 20 N/A Bon Iver "Eight percent of U.S. kids have food allergies. Luckily, very little of what they eat is technically food." 7079
Summer Concert Series, Night One
893 June 21 N/A Jack White, Florence & the Machine N/A 7080
Summer Concert Series, Night Two
894 June 22 The Defining Moment Jack White, Talib Kwali N/A 7081
Summer Concert Series, Night Three
895 June 23 N/A Jack White & The Black Belles N/A 7082
Summer Concert Series, Night Four. Stephen gives the debut performance of his new single: "Charlene II (I'm Over You)".
896 June 27 N/A Grover Norquist "The Supreme Court ruled it's legal to sell violent video games to kids. Get ready for Grand Theft Tetris." 7083
897 June 28 Too Big to Nail Alexandra Pelosi "The Pope wrote his first tweet today; he is truly the vessel in which God wastes time." 7084
898 June 29 N/A Trevor Potter, Gary Sinise "Every time God closes a door, he opens a window. Clearly, he's not the one paying for air conditioning." 7085
899 June 30 N/A Timothy Garton Ash "A French couple has adopted a 265-pound gorilla. And in tomorrow's news: a French couple is mauled by a newly-orphaned gorilla." 7086

July

# First aired "The Wørd" Studio guest Introductory phrase Prod#
900 July 11 N/A Hans Beinholtz, Michael Shermer "A new study has found that men like to cuddle, and another new study shows that men will say anything to get a researcher into bed." 7087
901 July 12 N/A Dan Savage N/A 7088
Stephen calls on his building manager, Tad, to be his "heterosexual accountability buddy" during his interview with Dan Savage.
902 July 13 N/A Naftali Bendavid, David McCullough "A six-year-old beauty queen has retired. I'm not surprised: she was starting to get crow's dimples." 7089
903 July 14 N/A Jose Antonio Vargas "Who's got two thumbs and is incredibly bad at gesturing at himself?" 7090
904 July 18 N/A Sean Parnell, Sheila Krumholz, John Prendergast "Congratulation to the Japanese women's soccer team for rescuing America from the brink of caring about soccer." 7091
905 July 19 N/A David Carr N/A 7092
906 July 20 N/A Michael Sandel N/A 7093
907 July 21 N/A David Eagleman "You say potato, I say: who are you and why are you saying potato to me?" 7094
908 July 25 N/A Brian Cox N/A 7095
909 July 26 N/A Peter Edelman, Brooke Gladstone "NASA has found volcanoes on the dark side of the Moon, and they erupt in sync with The Wizard of Oz." 7096
910 July 27 N/A Mary "Missy" Cummings N/A 7097
911 July 28 N/A Matthew Dowd, Buddy Roemer N/A 7098

August

# First aired "The Wørd" Studio guest Introductory phrase Prod#
912 August 1 With Great Power Comes No Responsibility Tony Hsieh "A new study says colon cleansing can be risky, but I think they just pulled that finding out of their ass." 7099
913 August 2 N/A David Leonhardt, Al Hunt "A woman was arrested turning tricks out of a donut shop: the perfect place to avoid detection by the cops." 7100
914 August 3 N/A Robert Wittman "God said 'Thou shalt have no gods before me', so don't spoil your appetite with Vishnu-poppers." 7101
915 August 4 N/A Anthony Bourdain "Cargill has recalled 36 million pounds of tainted ground turkey. Personally, I don't know why anyone would buy ground turkey taint." 7102
916 August 8 N/A Nassir Ghaemi N/A 7103
917 August 9 Head in the Cloud The Cars "Captain Morgan's ship has been found. If it's anything like the drink, it doesn't know what happened to it either." 7104
918 August 10 N/A Jim Martin, Elliott Ackerman "Chad Ochocinco says he'll live with a fan for three weeks. Wow...those NFL contract negotiations did not go well." 7105
919 August 11 N/A Gloria Steinem N/A 7106
920 August 15 N/A Ambassador Susan Rice N/A 7107
921 August 16 N/A Frank Luntz, STS-135 Astronauts N/A 7108
922 August 17 N/A Jeff Bridges "152 people set the world record for biggest group shower. Afterwards, they set another record for the longest awkward silence." 7109
923 August 18 N/A Kevin Mitnick "It's my last broadcast for two weeks, but I promise to give you one last great show before I go. This!...just roll it." 7110

September

# First aired "The Wørd" Studio guest Introductory phrase Prod#
924 September 6 Happy Endings Tim Pawlenty N/A 7111
925 September 7 N/A Robin Wright "Texas A&M is joining the SEC. This concludes today's installment of initials I don't understand." 7112
926 September 8 N/A Tom Brokaw N/A 7113
927 September 12 N/A Diane Sawyer N/A 7114
Tim Pawlenty endorsing Mitt Romney, Twitter and journalism, 9/11 memorabilia, Jacqueline Kennedy in Her Own Words.
928 September 13 N/A Paul Krugman, Al Gore "Anderson Cooper's daytime talk show started. Either that, or he's reporting from the disaster area known as daytime TV." 7115
GOP presidential debates, American Jobs Act, Ron Paul presidential campaign, 2012, Climate Reality Project
929 September 14 N/A Phil Rubio, Michael Moore N/A 7116
American Jobs Act, United States Postal Service debts, There's Always Work at the Post Office, HPV vaccinations, Here Comes Trouble
930 September 15 N/A Jimmy Fallon, David Copperfield "The proof is in the pudding, but good luck finding where I hid the pudding." 7117
UBS lost $2 billion from rogue trades, Congressman (R-TX) Louie Gohmert's jobs act, eternal enemies for 6 months with Jimmy Fallon, Anderson Cooper wants to be best friends with Stephen, Federal Emergency Management Agency's Waffle House Index, Brainworks
931 September 20 Death and Taxes Jeffrey Kluger N/A 7118
932 September 21 N/A Chrystia Freeland, Daniel Yergin "The Federal Reserve wants to stimulate the economy. Well, then Ben Bernanke's gonna have to show a little leg." 7119
933 September 22 N/A Jeremy Ben-Ami N/A 7120
935 September 26 I Think, Therefore I Brand Radiohead "Prepare yourselves, Radiohead. You're about to meet Televisionface." 7121
First ever hour-length episode of The Colbert Report.
936 September 27 N/A Melinda Gates N/A 7123
937 September 28 Labor Chains Ken Burns "Amazon unveiled its new iPad competitor, the Kindle Fire. I'm gonna use mine to order the new iPhone." 7124
938 September 29 Mark Cuban 7125

October

# First aired "The Wørd" Studio guest Introductory phrase Prod#
939 October 3 Jerome Groopman 8001
940 October 4 John Lithgow 8002
941 October 5 Black Star 8003
942 October 6 Jason Amerine 8004
943 October 17 Harry Belafonte 8005
944 October 18 Steven Pinker 8006
945 October 19 Ali Soufan 8007
946 October 20 Coldplay . 8008
947 October 24 Jon Huntsman, Jr. 8009
948 October 25 Susan Saladoff 8010
949 October 26 Taylor Branch 8011
950 October 27 Toby Keith "A Californian doctor was caught selling painkillers out of a Starbucks. Hey, everyone else in Starbucks, now you've finally got a great idea for that screenplay." 8012
951 October 31 Neil MacGregor 8013

November

# First aired "The Wørd" Studio guest Introductory phrase Prod#
952 November 1 Yo-Yo Ma 8014
953 November 2 Michael Pollan 8015
954 November 3 Nathan Wolfe 8016
955 November 7 Niall Ferguson 8017
956 November 8 Seth Meyers 8018
957 November 9 Father James Martin 8019
958 November 10 Brian Eno 8020
959 November 14 Thomas Thwaites 8021
960 November 15 Elijah Wood 8022
961 November 16 Chris Matthews 8023
962 November 17 The 1% Susan Orlean 8024
963 November 28 Siddhartha Mukherjee 8025
964 November 29 Tinariwen 8026
965 November 30 Stephen Sondheim 8027

December

# First aired "The Wørd" Studio guest Introductory phrase Prod#
966 December 1 Richard Branson 8028
967 December 5 Jimmie Johnson 8029
968 December 6 The Black Keys 8030
969 December 7 David Hallberg 8031
970 December 8 Jack Abramoff 8032
971 December 12 Samuel L. Jackson "Newt Gingrich says he is against gay marriage. That explains why it's the only type of marriage he hasn't tried yet." 8033
972 December 13 Let Them Buy Cake Mark Whitaker "An Italian woman left $13 million to her cat. Well... hello!" 8034
973 December 14 General Raymond T. Odierno 8035
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